You may not have heard of the term “Negativity Bias” but chances are you have experienced it. I did as recently as two days ago. Negativity bias took over my entire brain for about twelve hours.
Here is what happened:
In a session with my own coach, I was talking about my desire to have a stronger executive presence. I was reflecting on not having the discipline, or frankly desire, to go to bed early and get up in the wee hours to workout. I prefer not to spend too much time on hair and make-up. I love walking my dogs in the forest so my clothes are often active wear. I’d like to look more like I imagine an “executive” would look like, but I really don’t put the effort in. What you see is what you get.
My coach Maggie, challenged me and championed me on this. They pointed out that in their opinion I do have executive presence. The confidence with which I talk, the cadence of my voice, my experience and well a bunch of other stuff I wish I had really listened to – but didn’t. Then they said – “It can all be a little intimidating to be honest.” BAM!
My brain got the better of me.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about how intimidating I am. I thought, maybe that is why I don’t have a full calendar of conference sessions to present in the fall? Maybe that’s why I have to seek out opportunities to collaborate instead of people banging down my virtual door? Maybe people think I’m an A-hole! YIKES. I spent all day processing the feedback and thinking about how to play smaller and be less “intimidating.”
The next day I woke up with a realization that hit me like an anvil. My coach didn’t say I WAS intimidating. They said my presence can be intimidating for SOME people, SOME of the time. I had allowed my own negativity bias to completely take over.
When unchecked negativity bias is can have a serious negative impact on decision making, confidence and motivation. If you are an entrepreneur or a fundraiser, confidence, motivation and decision making are essential to your success!
Getting back on track
The good news is, there are practical things you can do to reframe your mindset and get back on track:
Mindfulness: Calm your mind. Focus on the present. What happened yesterday doesn’t matter, tomorrow will come whether you worry about it or not. Take a deep breath and be in the moment.
Be nice to yourself: Chances are the way you talk to yourself isn’t very kind. Imagine saying the things in your head, out loud to someone you love. How would it sound? Are you lifting yourself up or talking yourself down? Rewire your brain by changing the inner dialogue.
Collect data: Remind yourself of positive feedback you have received. Amplify it by creating a folder or putting posters on the wall. Take a moment to really listen and receive nice things people say about you. You are worth it!
Practice Self Compassion: We all slip. This work is a daily practice not a one and done. Forgive yourself for going down the negative rabbit hole and work on small improvements going forward.
If you want to dig into more ways to combat negativity bias – or work toward a more positive mindset you can learn more here. https://positivepsychology.com/3-steps-negativity-bias/
Making sure that the feedback you get aligns with the story in your head is essential to an abundance mindset. And an abundance mindset is essential to living a life that is mentally, physically and socially fit.
We are all complicated, complex people. That is what makes life interesting. I am a work in progress and so are you. Let’s celebrate our collective humanity together and keep striving to be the next best version of ourselves.
Oh, and if you found me intimidating in our last interaction. I’m sorry. Do let me know. Chances are I was more focussed on myself than on you. I’ll try to do better next time.
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